Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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