The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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