So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
