either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
