I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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