I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
