Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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