So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
