I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
