she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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