Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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