He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
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