do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
