good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize