So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
