pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So vagazzling was a success
I need a beard to bite.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
