and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
dude. I can hear the air.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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