I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
