The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
