Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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