My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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