I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
