Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize