I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
