She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
