Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
