3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
