ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
