i just wanna soil my oats bro
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
