I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize