I want to stick my p in your. b.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
