dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
