I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
