Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Send help, water and tortillas.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
