honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
