Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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