sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
