I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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