Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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