Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
