Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
