You work out of a Hotel?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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