it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
