Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
