its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
