I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
