oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
