I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
