Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
