If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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