She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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