I hate your face
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
