I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
