butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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