Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
