I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
