New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
