you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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