Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize