barbara walters just said penis...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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