Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
worst night to have a conscience
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
