why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
