I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
