I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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