No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
