Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
