Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
