Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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