i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
