I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
