Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
