did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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