I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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