When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
