so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
