What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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